i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
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dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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