apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
