"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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