2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
