The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
