it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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