I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
