He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
