i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
