I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
