After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
