He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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