I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
