Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
