She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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