tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
