How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
