Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
