she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize