Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
