Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
