Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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