after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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