it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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