he thought i was a dude.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
