I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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