if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All I want is dick and wine.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
