you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You ruined the universe
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
