The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
