dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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