There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
