and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
