So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
