So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
