not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
