Whod you bang
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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