When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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