Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
