he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
