is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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