Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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