Will you blow on my dice?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
