is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
