Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
