I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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