Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
