That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
