marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
