It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
They have beer where we have blood.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
