Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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