Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
4 words: hood of his car
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
