I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
