...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
