I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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