I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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