You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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