we're blogging at a bar
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
