he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
