After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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