he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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