There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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