If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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